As my novel inches closer and closer to completion, the more I wish I had never really told any of my friends and family that I was working on it again. I love my writing, I love my story, what I do not love is the pressure that is being put on me to actually go beyond just finally finishing the story. I always assumed I would try to have it published, whether or not it is good enough to be published will be left to an agent and/or publisher. Everyone putting this pressure on me to get a move on the story so that it can be published though is more than a little annoying.
I have looked into having my novel published, for the type of novel I am writing, it is best to have it completed first, so everyone putting pressure on me now is just delaying the completion of the book. The more pressure, the less creative I feel. It is just how I am. I have always had one crazy, over active imagination, until someone starts putting the spotlight on me and pushing me to take my creativity to another level. It was the same with art and music for me. I love to draw and paint, but the second people were like “Oh! You should try to become an artist,” and started putting pressure on me, I became less inclined to draw because it wasn’t what I wanted to do. The moment anyone said that I should try to do more with my musical talent it was the same story. I become less motivated when people start to have expectations of what my talent will amount to. I said in a previous post, I do not expect to be the next J.K. Rowling. That kind of fame and money and success from being an author is not easy or really normal from what I can tell. I like the idea of having my book published because it is something that has been a huge part of my life and I want to see something come of it, but I do not like the pressure being put on me to actually get it done.
Having my creativity feel stunted is not a good feeling. I have been staring at my novel for the past few days with absolutely NO motivation to continue writing at the moment. I want to, but it just isn’t happening. The worst part is everyone asking me how much progress I have made when I have literally made no progress at all. At what point do I stop being polite and saying that they will have to wait and see and just tell them to f*** off?
In the meantime I am going to try and write parts of my story that I know are going to happen, even if I have not reached that part of the plot yet. Maybe if I go to the parts that I am still excited about the rest will start flowing again soon enough.