Break time is over

I took a break from here for a very long time. When I say long time, it has probably been very close if not more than a year since the last time I looked at my blog. Why though?

It was time for a break. It was time to step away from all the problems I was having with life and just find where I was happy again. I found that. I quit my job as a social media PR specialist, and my side job as a nanny, stopped taking on freelance projects and even, for a good bit of time, stopped writing completely. I did not touch my blog, my stories or any social media sites and I must say, it was liberating beyond belief. Pressure destroyed my passion for writing, expectations killed my creativity and being part of an organization that cared little for individualism and free thinking turned me into just another robot on the other side of a computer for company after company, tasked with nothing but smashing long complicated thoughts into 100 characters or less, displaying no personality, but made to interact with companies clients, while pretending to care about what I was saying.

For more than 4 years I lived in that world, I hid behind a computer and slowly let my passion for words wither away until opening my laptop was a chore, no longer a joy, until waking up each day was nearly impossible because getting out of bed meant that it was time to go back to the computer. I would stare non stop at the screen on some days, willing myself to write, to put words on the page, to reconnect with the characters I had loved my entire life, but to no avail, my mind had locked itself up tight, unwillingly to tell my fingers what to do as it had for so long.

That is when I did it. I closed the computer, I turned off the notifications and I quit everything. I was angry, sad, unhappy and mostly, lost. I had watched as my love of PR work degraded into nothing but hatred and resentment. Stepping away from it all was probably the best decision I had ever made. Though it strained my fiance and I when I was no longer making as much money as I had been, our relationship grew stronger because I was no longer angry each day, I was no longer stressed over four different jobs with different demands.

Soon I found a job that though did not pay great, I was much happier at, and though it was not an easy few months, in just a short 14 months I went from entry level to manager and I love each and every day. About three months ago, I started writing again. One night, I was laying in bed, my fiance working overtime and my brain nearly exploded, words started spewing from my mind and before I knew it, I had an entire plot line roughed out and have been working to fill in the holes and adding and removing what needs to be.

It was liberating to walk away from everything, though I was afraid of what it meant for my family and our livelihood, it was something I had to do, it was something that would have led to a break down of my entire world if I had not done it. I lost the love I had for writing, I lost the creativity that I had used my entire life, but now, I feel it flowing through me again, I feel with each stroke of the keys, each time I open my lap top or iPad, each time I jot down little notes at work when inspiration strikes.

When I walked away from my blog and my writing, I have to be honest, I had no intention of ever returning, but here I am preparing to start baring my soul once more, only this time, it is on my terms, not because my boss told me I had to have a blog, there is no forcing words onto the page out of fear.

Now, there is only words, my thoughts, my passions and my creativity.

~SKG

“When one door …

“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.”
-Alexander Graham Bell

It seems a little trite to start my blog off with a quote, but then this quote may sum up all the feelings I have had over the last month. I thought I had found a great company to work for, a place where my creativity and talent would flourish exponentially. Instead, I found myself being dragged down and pinned to one job and one job only. As I watched the door to the company that I had originally fallen in love close, I did something unexpected. Instead of dwelling, and feeling dejected, I turned around to see another door fly open and was beckoned to it by a bright light that led me out of the darkness that was slowly creeping into my life.

It was that moment I decided that I would never let another person dictate my job description. For the last few weeks I have worked tirelessly to brand myself anew. This time as a Freelance Social Media and Public Relations Professional, instead of just another Graduate school graduate looking for a job.

When I saw this quote, I felt that it summarized everything I had yet to vocalize, and though I may fail, and though the simple thought of failure is terrifying, I refuse to let that fear keep me from exploring what is on the other side of this new and exciting door.

~Sara E. Kaplan